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Sunday, June 21st, 2009
10:17 pm
holy shit, livejournal.
1 º fuck me up
Monday, July 10th, 2006
12:45 am
i went quiz crazy!Collapse )
2 º fuck me up
Wednesday, July 5th, 2006
12:51 am
ps. someone, for the love of god, help me stick to my diet plans. i've been out of control! i need to clean up my act before san francisco.

i am self conscious.
2 º fuck me up
12:49 am - copied directly from myspace blog
i went on a road trip, with two of my favorite people! it was fantastic.

we took off from Albuquerque on Sunday morning, bright and early. we drop out east, to Roswell, first. we went to the Museum, and shops. we went during the ass end of the festival, so we missed out on most cool things, but it was still... i fucking love aliens, alright. i was partially raised by Fox Mulder and Dana Scully. don't laugh at me. i love this shit. so we wandered around downtown Roswell, buying weird stuff and trying to find the restraunt from the Roswell TV show. we failed, and went to sonic.

then we drove in the direction of Las Cruces, but then we discovered White Sands! we had a grand time playing in the sand, rolling down dunes, and getting dirt in our underpants. huzzah!

we got to Las Cruces early enough to go to a bizarre Italian restraunt next to our hotel, with delicious lobster ravioli but with meatballs made of raisins and... gross. sweetballs, we called them. har! Brianna and I sayed up to watch Scream 3 while Paloma slept and read.

the next day, we arose to find out that continental breakfast ended at nine, not ten as previously indicated. we were pissed. so we took lots of bagels and waffles from the hotel anyway. they were pretty good, too, assholes! we gussied up and went to


it began at 11:00, and we arrived about 12:30. we heard the end of The Academy Is... and a couple other bands while entering. we explored, and finally found a schedule. Paramore didn't play until 3:15, AFI at 7:00, and Thursday at 8:00, so we decided to chill. ate some pizza, sat under shade tents. we finally started venturing about when Motion City Soundtrack started (2:30?). i had a monster and was contained like a zoo animal in the monster garden (like beer garden, only with energy drinks). we watched Less Than Jake before venturing to the Volcom stage for Paramore, who were fantastic! very fun, cozy little performance.

we wandered around some more, buying swag and hydrating. we made friends with a punk under a shade tent. we shared cigarettes and bubbalicious. we went to watch Senses Fail so Paloma could fight her way to the front for AFI. Brianna and I lingered in the back of the enormous crowd. of course, AFI didn't disappoint, but i wouldn't say they were amazing. don't kill me.

NOFX started playing, and half the crowd left, completely or to watch them. so Paloma and I staked a claim on front and center for Thursday. they were amazing. serious. there is something really awesome about the pit atmosphere that makes everybody friendly and even crowdsurfers can't piss you off, even when they kick you in the temple. my heart beats to bass. its like a big living music entity and this is cheesy but i fucking loved it. i screamed Understanding in a Car Crash. and it was fantastic.

we went back to the hotel after we were hurridly ushered out of the field. our card keys wouldn't work anymore, so we had the adorable fella at the desk renew the keys. we saw and chattied with Corey! then we went for a chemical bath (swimming!) with a bunch of other scenesters. we stayed up until three (or something) reading Goosebumps and watching Aqua Teen.

we checked out at 11:30, and were home by 3:30.
it was a fucking fantastic trip.

this is... just dropping off. because i'm tired but i don't want to sleep (though i should; i have to work tomorrow, plus i have rehearsal and prop shopping with Jeff)... fuck sleep!

current mood: exhaustedly elated
0 º fuck me up
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
10:35 am - hahahahaha sucker
i heard a funny story last night. i thought i might retell it so that everyone can laugh at this man's schenanigans.Collapse )
1 º fuck me up
Saturday, June 24th, 2006
10:23 pm
remind me to tell you about
sexual perversity
iowa orientation
wisdom teeth

hi again, i'm dead.
0 º fuck me up
Saturday, June 3rd, 2006
10:06 am - are you there?
i'm freaking out internally in such a way that can only be remedied by eating or buying things, so i think i'm going to walk to walmart/borders and look for the new(er) imogen heap cd. sklhg;sljgc,jmdc help me.
3 º fuck me up
Friday, June 2nd, 2006
12:32 am
Read more...Collapse )
1 º fuck me up
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
12:20 am - cast party take two
Laurie said, let's build up your tolerence.
Dennis said, walk the fence.
Nick said, keep going, you'll be fine.
Collette said, keep up.
Nando said, we're drunk.

Four lemondrops, two heinekin, two coronas, one fat tire, and one hardcore later, I realize I am still confused, still upset, still sad, still tired, still dizzy, still lustful, still guilty, still fucked. This tells me alcohol is at best a mask, worst a problem. Never a solution.
2 º fuck me up
Monday, May 22nd, 2006
8:45 pm - can't think speak feel for myself
I am blue; I am blue and unwell.Collapse )

And all that I've got
and all that I need
I tie in a knot
that I lay at your feet.
I have not forgot,
but a silence crept over me.
1 º fuck me up
Sunday, May 21st, 2006
11:46 pm
the trick to getting laid is to treat them like shit.
(now imagine: intermission. he is speaking very quickly, very Bernie. he'd been talking endlessly before this, too.)

Nick: your fucking salad, man, i mean i'm not dissing on your salad making skills, i'm sure they're excellent, but goddamn, that shit stinks. i mean... the holy grail. that salad should be in the fucking smithsonian. that salad came in the holy grail. that old. fucking, that soup too. that shit is disgusting. oh, oh, so those beads, those are nice, yeah, nice. buddhist? are they buddhist beads? i mean, are you buddhist? even a little? you got a little buddhist in you? no? would you like some? [pause] shit! hahahaha. i'm sorry, i gotta stop talking yeah? that's enough. oh god.

current mood: cold
0 º fuck me up
Thursday, May 11th, 2006
1:33 pm
this is unlike the story it was written to be
0 º fuck me up
Saturday, May 6th, 2006
11:55 pm - i love days, where is clareanne?
i don't know what to think about today. a lot happened. i don't even think i can describe it. it was just... "beautiful systems dying, old fixed orders spiraling apart," as Harper would say.

but the evening began at about six, when i departed home and left Brianna with Couri. i made it up and down Rio Grande several times before i pulled into a parking lot and talked to Jeff. he was busy. i ended up at Flying Star, ready to begin The Invisible Man, when Paloma called. so i met up with her and William at her house. we cleaned. then we departed for the Bubble Lounge.

it was a much better experience than last night, though without bellydancers. (last night we got carded ridiculously and harassed until we decided it was in our best interest to leave before we killed the employees). William and i got a mango hookah and i got a Lemon Strawberry Italian Soda. i got very nauteous. Jeff met up with us. it was very chill, but very quiet. weightless and still.

we walked to NYPD and had some pizza. there was lots of time spent texting. because everyone has a fucking phone and texting is fun. after pizza, we were at a complete loss. what to do? we stood on a street corner and watched thugs pimp their rides for a while before Kristin and Leslie caught us outside Gorilla Tango. they coerced us into seeing The Chair. it was hysterical. Paloma and i were the only ones laughing though, so maybe it was funnier than it was supposed to be. Leslie is a riot.

i signed on with Kristin to be her props manager for Sexual Perversion in Chicago. i'm excited, because i don't want to lose theater. i don't want to lose my spark. my passion. my thing. and i'm at a loss as to what i'll do without Stoebs, without Dunski, without Kristin.

i don't know what i'm doing. i'm so confused. i don't know if i'm ready to leave all of this yet. i might have to stay. i just might. i could go to UNM for a year or two... then transfer. i'm so scared of leaving. i don't know what to do. i don't... know.

0 º fuck me up
12:44 am
what am i doing?
what do i think i'm doing?
0 º fuck me up
Monday, May 1st, 2006
8:26 pm
i can't say things are up to snuff, but they're looking up. i can't say i still don't think about it everyday, and i can't say i still don't feel like an awful person, and i can't say that i don't remember something new that happened everyday. it's impossible, i think, to let it go so easily, but i'm working towards it. at the very least, i know i could see him and not feel confused or awkward. i have an understanding with the situation, but it doesn't mean that it doesn't still hurt. in a lot of ways. but it's been better.

at the very least, creativity is restored and i'm not so trapped in my own thoughts that my characters have no time to speak up. goodnews, everyone.

i don't think lamictal does anything, but what do i know. i'll go see dr.hall after the show closes. i haven't been sleeping. when i do sleep, it isn't well and i have bizarre dreams. i'm also having this recurrance (relapse?) or my weight issues. but the problem is, i don't ever do anything about it. so i've progressively been feeling worse. remedy, remedy.

my body is your body, i won't tell anybody.
if you want to use my body, go for it.

current mood: strangely better
1 º fuck me up
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
10:38 pm - step in the right direction
i am immeasurable.
0 º fuck me up
Monday, April 24th, 2006
8:24 pm - resolute urgency of now
Time is never time at all. You can never ever leave without leaving a piece of youth and our lives are forever changed. We will never be the same. The more you change the less you feel. Believe that life can change, that you're not stuck in vain. We're not the same, we're different tonight tonight tonight tonight.
0 º fuck me up
Sunday, April 23rd, 2006
6:19 pm - excuses
closure without an end. it's quiet, being alone in the dark.
somew h e r e over the r a i n b o w.

current mood: everything
0 º fuck me up
Saturday, April 22nd, 2006
11:01 am - o.d.
am i distraught?
should i be?

current mood: really sick
1 º fuck me up
Wednesday, April 19th, 2006
10:27 pm
i sold out my lj to advertisers ALL FOR ICONS! MILLIONS OF ICONS.
0 º fuck me up
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